Friday, 23 November 2012

Chapter 9 - Our Broken Keys


~
I've got a bad case of three am guilts you know when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn't do right? Because, as we all know nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self loathing. 
- D. D. Barant
~

"Arnav, I'm taking Arshia with me,"

He felt himself automatically take a step back, his eyes now on his little angel cradled in between her mothers arms, lost in the warmth that he could possibly never give her. He wanted to argue, to fight, to demand that Arshia be left with him. Tell her that he had looked after her for fifteen months, that he had been the one that had been there for the child whilst Khushi had hidden herself in a remote corner of the world. But he didn't because he knew it was wrong, because he knew he had been the one to drive her there. Everything that was happening, everything that she was going through all of it was his fault. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he continued to watch his little baby, feeling like his very heart was crackling, tearing under the pressure. He gulped back the tears that were on the edge of falling, not even having the strength to look up into her eyes. Closing his eyes for a second he gathered his thoughts, losing himself in the pain that seemed to take over him completely and for once decided to do the right thing. His molten caramel eyes met her confused hazel orbs, their clear decisions clashing. Looking to Arshia for what felt like the last time he slowly nodded. 

Her eyes widened in return, not quite able to recognise this weak man that stood in front of her, his head bowed, his shoulders hunched, his eyes hardly meeting hers. She saw him turn away, not bothering to look at her again and for the first time she felt unsure of her decision. If he had deliberately hidden Arshia from her why was he giving in this easily?

"I'll... I'll tell Di to pack her stuff and then get someone to deliver the rest of it," he mumbled, his voice cracking at points as he fought to keep his emotions at bay.

She didn't understand any of this, this wasn't the Arnav Singh Raizada she knew. The one that demanded, threatened, had his way; this was a different man and after so many years she felt utterly confused.

****

"So baby where's your room?" Khushi smiled at her daughter, her little bundle of joy, letting Arshia wrap her small hand around her fingers as she grinned back then turning away began to lead her up the stairs, her feet taking each step at a time. Khushi felt that her heart would almost burst with pride at the sight in front of her, her hatred growing in an instant at Arnav for keeping this truth from her.

Her feet stalled almost of their own accord infront of the room that was so familiar yet not in so many ways. Her memories coming back to her in flashbacks, her lonely nights, waking up to tear soaked pillows. She couldn't stop the tears that once again filled her eyes and that's when she saw him. His body was perfectly erect, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he looked out at the stars that twinkled above. She didn't know what to make of her life anymore.

The gentle tug of Arshia's hand pulled her out of her drowning sorrow and she began to move down with her, her feet slower on the ground than they had been before. It felt strange and yet pieces of her life seemed to just fall together as soon as she was back here. This had been the very place that had robbed her of her countless dreams and yet she had never imagined that it would be the same place that would give her something so special and precious back. Her thoughts were still in a muddle, it felt as if she was walking through hazy clouds, nothing quite hitting her properly but she knew that the times ahead stood better for her. In Arshia she saw that will to live again, the flicker of hope growing by the second and that's all she had ever wanted. She tried to suppress that weak part of her heart that still held feelings for Arnav, still attempted to see the good in him because she knew she was only fooling herself.

As Arshia stepped into her room, her tiny feet padding against the thick carpet Khushi came to a complete standstill, her breath hitching in her throat, her mind completely frazzled, her jaw dropping open. Arshia tried to pull her with her but Khushi couldn't seem to find the strength in her limbs to move, her eyes fixated on the large portrait that was hung in front of her. She could almost hear the bolts of her brain clicking into place, she hadn't probed into it then but it had surprised her. She'd wanted to know how Arshia had recognised her despite not having ever seeing her and this answered all of her questions for in front of her was a large portrait of herself.

Arshia having given up slowly waddled away to her play area, grabbing a soft toy on the way, quickly losing herself in her own world as Khushi stood there, seemingly frozen to the spot. She felt the world spin around her, everything coming into focus then out again. Nothing made sense! Nothing! He'd forced her to marry him, told her to leave, took her daughter away from her, made her believe her child was dead but taught her child who she was at the same time? Why was he doing this? What was he gaining out of it? She felt dizzy, bile rising in her throat, his words, her memories ringing through her ears and she wanted to run away again. Just hide herself where no one would be able to find her.

****

His every sense felt crippled, his heart constricting and more than anything he felt that fear closing in on him again. The fear of losing. He stood up suddenly, feeling as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He didn't know what he would do if he lost Arshia, up until now everything he had held close, he had lost and he could see history repeating itself.

He wasn't even aware of how fast he had walked out of his room and ended up in front of Arshia's, his eyes instantly falling upon the lone figure int he middle, her fingers at her temples, her petite body unsteady and it was that familiar sensation that hit him this time. His foot went forward of its own accord, his arms outstretched as she fell straight into his arms then collided into his chest. Their gazes clashing for a second, molten caramel against dazzled hazel. Her fingers tightened on his shirt, her eyes squeezing shut. He felt fear in the pits of his stomach, his heart thudding away in his chest, the sensation of holding her in his own grasp tormenting him.

"Khushi? Khushi?" He questioned as she struggled and fell further against him, his arms tightened around her, preventing her fall. "Khushi? Khushi?" He shook her this time, not sure of what else to do, the fear that he felt at that very moment all too clear.

She gulped, her throat dry, that familiar feeling of nausea rising up her throat. Her hands struggled against his arms at first, not needing his help then gave in, she didn't have the strength in her to get back up. Her fingers dug into him as she fought to keep straight. "I just... I need water and maybe something to eat, I just don't feel too good," she mumbled, her voice weak and almost inaudible.

He nodded back, bringing her up and resting her against him, then sending his arm around her, hoisted her up into his arms.

"Chotey? Chotey?!" Anjali came running in, the panic clear in her voice then rushed over to Khushi immediately, her hand falling on to Khushi's forehead.

"Chotey what happened? Is Khushiji alright?" She questioned.

He nodded slowly, then began to walk out of the room just as Arshia came running towards Arnav, her small arms going around his leg.

"Papa... Mamma?" She questioned, her large eyes darting from her mother to her father. Arnav attempted to smile back, feeling completely and utterly drained.

"Baby don't worry Mamma just hasn't had food all day so she's tired okay huni," he looked to Anjali, she nodded immediately, not needing words to understand her brother.

"Arshu baby come Masi will take care of you okay," she cooed lifting her into her arms and smiled reassuringly at Arnav.


He felt weak himself, emotionally drained, not sure of what to do or say anymore. He wanted Khushi back, no needed her back, he couldn't afford to let Arshia go. He wanted a family. But was that what he deserved? Maybe not.

He felt the memories flood through him all over again as he placed her on his bed, their bed. Her eyes were tight shut, her forehead scrunched up. His hand went out to her, desperately wanting to smoothen those wrinkles on her soft skin but stopped himself. He had given up that right all those years ago. Gathering himself quickly, the tattered pieces of his unfixable mind he strode out of the room in search of Hari Prakash then deciding against it went to look for food himself.

****

"Shyam you do understand that your offence was a large one and that Mr Arnav Singh Raizada has the money and the power to actually put me out of a job if I go ahead with this?"

"Oh shut up Roy! You and I both know the ways of the trade. Plus you are currently out of money and if you get me out I'll give you that money," Shyam stated matter-of-factly, straightening up and leaning over on the desk, that snarl firmly present on his face.

"On what grounds Shyam? What am I appealing for here?" Roy questioned not in the least able to catch onto any part of Shyam's plan.

"Well I know that Arnav Singh Raizada's dear wife has gone missing of late and he nor anyone else is aware of her whereabouts," Shyam stated quite clearly satisfied on gaining this piece of information.

"And what does that have to do with this?" Roy questioned, his brows furrowed, not understanding any of what was being said.

Shyam exhaled loudly, his fists falling on the table, his face contorting into those manic features again. "For the love of god!" He exclaimed. "We claim that she was involved. That this had been her plan all along to get back at Arnav for his six month contract marriage to her,"

Roy nodded, attempting to finally understand, his fingers flicking at the copy of the contract that Shyam had managed to obtain.

"We then claim that on finding that her plan had backfired she'd fled the country," Shyam stated, his lips curling up with satisfaction as he slowly leaned back on the chair, appraising his colleagues confused expression.

"And what of the child?" Roya asked suddenly, still not quite gathering what Shyam's intentions were.

A snarl creeped up his face, his eyes alight in an almost manic fashion, he leaned forward on the desk, his palms pressed together, "and that's where the judge believes me my friend because the evidence is quite simply against her."

****

She fluttered her eye lashes a couple of times before opening her eyes completely, her hands automatically clenching the sheets as the nauseous pain hit her once more, her face scrunching up as she tried to ignore it. Her head felt heavy and she could feel her stomach knotting and clenching. She felt disorientated for a few seconds, her surroundings coming to her slowly, a large glass wardrobe, a green recliner, a large wind-chime. She sat up immediately, her eyes wide, gasping for breath. Was this a nightmare?

He was at her side immediately, his arm going around her shoulders, nothing but concern etched in those chocolate brown eyes of his. "Khushi are you alright? Will I get you more pain killers? Will I get you the food?" He bombarded her with questions, all of his insecurities, his coherent thoughts lost somewhere in the midst of his overwhelming concern for her well-being.

She stared at him for a moment, his worried face, his brows knotted together, how his words came out in a flurry but her frozen thoughts quickly gave way to her scarring memories. She began to struggle against him, shrugging his arm away.

He looked to her accusingly for a second, frustrated with her defiance but then his eyes widened as his understanding resurfaced. He broke away from her immediately, standing up and looking away, down, anywhere. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, taking several steps away. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I..." He shook his head, she didn't need anymore of his words. "I'm sorry... I'll send HP in with the food, you should eat something... It's... It's pretty late so if you think it right, stay here the night, you can sleep here," he mumbled then began to walk away, fighting against a second glance back.

Her eyes automatically flickered out of the large french doors into the darkness and the first thing she noticed was the barren walls, gone were the potted plants, the large blooming flowers, now replaced by empty corners, void of anything. Dismissing her thoughts quickly she tried to process what he had said. She had Arshia to take with her, she had to go home and reconcile, that couldn't be done now. He was right. Nodding to herself she looked to him, "I'll stay but I'll take the guest room," she stated, the words knocking off of his already battered heart.

He swallowed hard, not too sure if he even had the energy to speak anymore, "I don't sleep here anymore, so you're more than welcome to sleep in here but if you still don't want to then you can sleep in a guest room too," he finally replied, his voice low and tired then walked out, leaving a completely surprised Khushi behind.


****

She twisted and turned on the bed, too many images flashing through her mind. In one remote corner of her mind she was happy, inexplicably happy. That last image of Arshia still played over on her mind, her little baby sleeping in the snuggled up comforts of her cot. It warmed her, creating this bubble of joy that seemed to just seep through her, into her every pore. But then on the other hand she felt confused, at a loss for what to do next. She wanted to take Arshia with her but she couldn't will the  strength into her to take her away from Arnav. He had taken her baby away from her, kept her away for fifteen months and yet she was so ready to just give into him. She sat up awake, her eyes taking their time to adjust to the darkness, it was 3 am. She rubbed her hand at the base of her throat, it felt dry and parched. She fumbled around for a jug of water but found none. She felt lost, stranded, taking a deep breath and calming her senses she slowly got out of bed and walked out of the room.

Her feet were light against the floor, it was weird, being here again, where he was, back in a place that she had vowed never to return to. She could still remember her nights, the accusations, she forced her eyes shut for a moment, willing those thoughts away. She turned around out of habit, her feet had somehow stopped at his door. She allowed herself a peak in, her eyebrows arching together. His bed was empty, the door wide open. She didn't know why but she slowly walked in.

I don't sleep in here anymore

His words came back to her, what did that mean? Her feet were slow as she allowed herself to walk around the room, it suddenly hit her how desolate it felt. She noticed even in the darkness that he hadn't removed any of the small things that she had left behind.

Her wind-chime still clinked its music to the wind.

The stars she had hung at a corner of the room, still twinkled upon the gleam of the moon.

She turned the light on, plunging the room into brightness. Her fingers brushed over the handles of the drawers then finally pulled one open, feeling her heart almost stop at the sight before her. The jewellery that she had been given when she had arrived, all the boxes that she had left behind still lay in the drawer. She closed that one quickly, opening another one. Her files and books. The next one; her little trinket boxes full of all of the earrings and rings that she had acquired. She stepped back, refusing to look at anymore. Why had he kept all of her stuff?

She walked down the steps slowly, lost in her own messed up world, a thousand thoughts coursing through her. Her eyes followed the path of the moonlight as it bathed the house in it's light, her gaze freezing the very next second. She felt her whole body go numb.

He sat there against the large glass window, the side of his face illuminated through the moonlight. His streaks of tears glistening down his face.

She wasn't so sure anymore...



Okay P.S. I feel that this story has been I dunno on for a while now and with my phase of late updates it sort of stalled for a couple of months too. So I'm giving you guys a choice this time. I can either separate them and have Arnav repent or keep them together and make Arnav repent (either way he repents lol or well already has but we'll get into that later). Basically I'm stuck on this idea and I can't decide :/. And the second one I can speed it up and end it quickly or keep things at the same pace. So lemme know. 
So I'm passing the decision to you guys, majority wins ;) 
Silent readers as well your opinions count so let me know, I don't bite xxx

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Chapter 8 - Our Little Angel

Psst... A little erm surprise/clue in this chapter ;). It's quite sad so sorry about that, especially during the crisis that has taken over IPK. But just hang in there guys! In the end everything will work out I'm sure and if it doesn't ... well I'll still be growing old and telling my grandchildren that I used to watch an epic show called IPK that had the same amount of drama off-screen as it had on-screen :P xx. 


~
All because of you,
I believe in angels,
not the kind with wings
no, not the kind with halos,
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place
- The Good Left Undone, Rise Against
~


Khushi felt her feet slow of their own accord as she approached the door. The familiar pillars, the many layers of paint on them that she could still feel on her fingertips. He saw the tremble of her slight frame, her head slowly bow down as if in defeat as her footsteps neared the house, his house where had given her nothing but pain, the same house he had asked her to leave, the same house which had now become an open prison. He gulped down the torrents of pain that threatened to assault him once more, the onset of loss not far from him, he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second as her feet neared the threshold never had he imagined that his fate would be determined in such a way.

He hurried his footsteps as she took a step to the side, making sure that their bodies did not so much as touch and he felt that wave of pain pass through him once more. If only he could go back he would. He felt the key shake in his hand as it rattled slightly in the lock, he clenched his other hand into a fist, fighting for control. He was sure that if this control faltered for even a second he would come crashing down break down in front of her like the broken man that he now was. The knob almost slipped out of his hand, his nerves getting the better of him and he was sure he could already hear her tiny footsteps approaching. He tried to remember that face of his angel once more, try to calm himself by letting himself know exactly why he was doing this. His Arshia deserved a mother, Khushi deserved her child and he refused to acknowledge what he deserved of fear of what his own mind would answer in reply.

Khushi blinked several times, the large droplets of tears flowing down obstructing her view, she felt herself ebb forward, this little thing peaking out through the crack of the open door making her heart melt and bow to the floor. Her hand unconsciously went towards the almost toothless grin as the little girl continued to look only at Arnav. Khushi looked up then, her heart faltering for the smallest of seconds as she saw the serene gentleness that had now overtaken Arnav's features. She tightened her eyes shut, sorting her thoughts then taking a deep breath in let her hand touch the soft skin of her daughter and she felt herself fall to her knees as large caramel eyes looked to her, the little girls small smile disappearing in an instant.

She blinked several times, trying to recognise this face that she had seen many times before, she knew who it was. She took another step forward as Arnav too crouched next to Khushi and watched their little daughter, her small feet soft against the ground as she moved closer to Khushi. Khushi felt her eyes close under her gentle touch as Arshia placed her palm on Khushi's face, tentatively feeling for familiarity. The tears began to streak down Khushi's face, she felt herself loosing, falling into the depths of a feeling that she couldn't even begin to comprehend, her limbs going numb and weak.

Her eyes snapped open as Arshia's hand suddenly left her, she put her hand forward again unable to take being away from her for even a second but Arshia clapped her hands together, her small fingers coming together to make the smallest of sounds. Her face broke out into a large smile as she giggled to herself for a second, "mamma!" She exclaimed suddenly and all Khushi could do was stare on, her eyes wide, her mouth open, tears brimming in her eyes then falling down in torrents down her cheeks. She felt her mind go blank then, all she could see was Arshia all she could hear was that one word that she had thought she would never hear in her life. Her arms went out to Arshia automatically, engulfing her in her warm embrace, she cuddled her warm bundle of joy to her chest, her head bowed against her head, her sobs coming out in large hiccups as she rocked her back and forth.

Arnav watched this as if he was sitting in a distant place, Khushi's warm face against his angels soft cheeks, her affectionate little kisses, the tears glistening down her face, his mind suddenly numb to impending fears. A slow hopeful smile adorned his face, his eyes carrying the spark from years ago as he watched his family finally becoming complete. At the back of his mind hoping that maybe just maybe he would get a chance to pay back for all of his wrong, that maybe just maybe Khushi would give him another chance.

****

Khushi held Arshia in her arms, unable to comprehend the sheer storm of emotions coursing through her. All she knew was that she was finally holding her, this soft bundle of joy in her arms, soft tears continued to stream down her cheeks and she didn't make an attempt to wipe them away. Instead she rested her head against smiling Arshia, revelling in the beauty of the one thing she had thought she'd lost forever. Her arms involuntarily tightened around the tiny form, needing to just hide her from the whole world. "Aw my baby, how I thought I had lost you forever," she murmured into Arshia's hair, her tears dampening the silky strands. She didn't understand any of it, her heart still refused to believe that Arnav could be so cruel, so heartless, she couldn't find the strength in her to understand how he could hate her to such an extent. And then why had he finally told her? Why now? What did he want to prove? Was it guilt? Had he finally figured something out that now he was trying to make amends. Why was she never able to understand him. The glimmering beams of moonlight bathed her and her daughter in it's divine light as Khushi stood cradling her baby in her arms for the very first time.

Love 
I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

But all my instincts - they return
The grand facade so soon will burn
Without a noise - without my pride
I reach out from the inside

He watched from afar as she stood near the large glass panelled windows, he didn't know what to say or to do, how to amend all that he had done wrong. As he watched her with her arms wound tightly around their daughter, the tiny shimmers from the tears than ran down her cheeks he felt his heart melt and become numb. How long had he waited for this? How hard had he tried? To bring back what was lost, to give back what he had taken, to bring their lives back to this somewhat complete point. But in the midst of all the happiness that he was supposed to be feeling he couldn't stop his mind from whirring back to that feeling of impending grief. Because he knew that this would not last, that the mistakes he had committed were no longer forgivable in her eyes and he knew that she misunderstood him, thought that he had kept her baby away from her and he couldn't blame her, couldn't muster up the strength to be angry at her. He hadn't given her the option of explaining herself all those years ago so what right did he have to demand that chance from her. He couldn't keep the tears from gathering up in his eyes any longer but didn't want to breakdown and cry either. And that carried with it the biggest pain of all, the burden of keeping too many things bottled up inside, for so many years, for what felt like a lifetime for he had let go of the only person that had offered to lift away his burdens. He felt himself crumbling, he was breaking down, he could see it clearly now. Arshia in Khushi's arms, already forming their own little world that he was not a part of, he gulped back more tears as Khushi looked back and their gazes met, glimmering hazel against drowning caramel orbs.

In your eyes - the light, the heat
I am complete in your eyes
See the doorways of a thousand churches in your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searching
In Your Eyes

Love love love love love
I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

She felt herself waver for a moment as they looked into each others eyes for what felt like the longest of times and somewhere inside her she wanted to forget it all, give him another chance. It was as if her heart was adamant on just forgiving him. Those molten caramel eyes, she wanted to believe them, take the plunge, complete the family that she had just found. She felt her heart constrict then, words from the past resurfacing. All that he had said, all that he had done, she forced her eyes shut for a second then looked away, gathering her thoughts.

He waited quietly, his limbs weak, his throat constricting, he didn't have to hear it to know what was going to happen next and for the first time in his life he didn't know how he would react, what he would do. Arnav Singh Raizada was at a complete loss and somewhere inside he knew he had already made that decision.

But, all my instincts - they return
The grand facada so soon will burn
Without a noise - without my pride
I reach out from the inside

Her footsteps were slow, soft as she paced over towards him, his eyes not leaving her for a second, the fear within them so clearly evident that she almost reconsidered her decision for a minute. She tightened her hold against Arshia once more, her eyes determined as her little daughter finally slept with her head in the space of Khushis neck. She saw him straighten as she finally stood in front of him, her gaze fixed on his haggard face. She allowed herself a better look at him, the handsom features that were still there behind the darkened stubble, the sunken eyes. She wanted to run her fingers over his face, watch him lean his face into her palm, his eyes close over as his lips gently pecked her skin but she wouldn't. She blinked several times, bringing that composure back. He looked like he hadn't slept in months and she wanted to comfort him, but she didn't. Instead she took a step towards him, holding his gaze and she uttered the words that he had been dreading all along,

"Arnav, I'm taking Arshia with me."

Love 
I get so lost, sometimes

****

The muscles of his face twitched several times as a faint glimmer of the moon cut through the  railings of the small square window up above. A slow snarl spread on his lips. It wouldn't be too long now till he got out.






Friday, 9 November 2012

Important Notes Reg. All FFs


So I still don't quite understand what is going on and frankly I'm not happy with any of it either. I hate being left out in the blind and not even knowing who exactly to be more pissed off at. But if Barun is leaving for good then I honestly wish him the best of luck and hope he reaches more and more heights in his career. It is a show after all and one of these days it had to come to an end.

For me I don't care if it continues or not anymore, although I would personally like it to end if Barun is not going to remain in the show.

Anyway regarding my FFs, I know some people have decided to wrap up their stories etc. etc. And therefore I have received some PMs asking if I will be wrapping up my FFs or just leaving them or whatever. And the answer to that is no I will not be wrapping up my FFs or discontinue writing :). Be rest assured. I have a lot of readers that have stuck with me even through the bad times so thank you so much for that and I'll keep writing as long as you guys show me the support :). I can understand a lot of people leaving IPK altogether with what has happened and I am also one of them although I won't stop reading FFs so for all the other people like me I will not be stopping them :).

Just imagine Barun in all of my Arnav/ASR roles, especially the Diwali Barun with the short hair :P. But then again I don't mind his hair part if that's what ya guys like :P.

Right now my updates are appearing a bit too late because I have piles and piles of work to get through. But I promise to sort my life out as soon as and get the updates up real quick!

I know a lot of you are demotivated and to be frank I was pretty down about this issue yesterday as well but I've made peace with it and moved on reassuring myself that IPK finished on a happy note after Shyam left :P.

I have also started a new FF which actually focuses on going back through all of the old episodes and re-writing aspects of them into the future, to sort of re-live the magic. So hope you like that :).

Updates will be re-starting starting tonight and I hope to get "When Truth Prevails," "Paper Roses" and "The ASR-KKG Files" updated by Sunday night. "A Sprinkle of Stardust is going through a sort of transformation in my mind so that will probably only be up mid-week next week :).

Sorry for the delay once again!

If the show does end here and the forum closes down or I stop coming on to IF or whatever the stories will always be updated on my blog!

The main index blog link is this: Beyond The Stars Index and it will always have a list of all of my FFs and OSs.

I hope you guys do continue to read my work and continue to leave your lovely amazing comments that never fail to make me smile! Stick in there guys! IPK or the true essence of it when it started was epic and legendary and it will always continue to be! In the end we only remember the good times so just remember the good times ;).

Lotsa Love Pinks xx

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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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Got four fanfic on the go plus the random OS's that I'll be writing. So check em out too!

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